I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
