I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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