Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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