Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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