Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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