there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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