you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
