she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
