He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
