I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
