omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
