Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
