I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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