That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
