Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
