He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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