Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
