i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
