me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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