you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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