I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
