I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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