You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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