haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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