Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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