So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
