Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
