This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
