Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
