Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
