somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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