Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
