holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
