He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
