btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
