I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
