What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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