I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
