I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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