Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
