Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
