Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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