it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
