There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
