Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
