You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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