We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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