I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
