For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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