I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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