yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
