Cold hands, warm shart.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
