well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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