We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
