dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just google imaged poop.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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