Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
