My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
